Saying Goodbye

Life is never black and white. Cut and dried. Clearly carved to give us a perpetual glimpse at any given moment of what to expect in order to reassure ourselves of whats to come.

We desire to feel safe and secure nestled in the arms of life.

But it's nothing like that at all.

We expect it to be though. We expect that each day, each and every day will manifest itself just as we expect it to. Predictable and our way in an almost compulsive pattern.

And we get comfortable with with our expectations. And assume this pattern will not change.

Until one day.

On that day, life happens and changes it's predictable safe pattern and leaves the door open just a tiny bit, but enough for death to enter.

You see death is never predictable. It's inevitable, but never predictable. It can't be controlled, it's never punctual and often plots to make it's grand entrance a surprise. Other times death enters slowly and allows us to get accustomed to it's finality. After lingering painfully, we often beg it to bring sweet relief from it's torturous journey.

But not this time. Death showed up to claim this one without warning, swiftly like a thief in the night, it crept in and out before anyone had time to catch a glimpse or even suspect it was there.

She wasn't old nor was she young. She lived careless. She drank a little and smoked a lot.

But she was fine. Not the picture of health, but just fine. Funny thing was, her husband was supposed to go first.

We were all so convinced, complacently assuming this was to be. Death, cleverly disguised as a disease has been working it's way through his body for a very long time, leaving him frail and dependent and leaving her no choice but to be the rock. And that didn't faze her a bit. Most days anyway.

She would get sick and shrug it off. She didn't have time to be down. You see, she took care of him, ran a business and was a devoted mother, grandmother the rest of her family. Not to mention a devoted friend to all of the rest of us. She fed more people than I could count. Created unnecessary jobs for those who needed extra money so they didn't feel like they were getting a hand out.

Just a few days ago we talked. And even though it was about a bunch of nothing, she had encouraging words for me, just like always. Her eyes twinkled and her voice....it sounded like whiskey laced heavily with cigarettes. I will remember that voice always.

She always called me baby. And that was special.

Now she is gone. She laid down to sleep and death made it's abrupt rude entrance. No time to prepare. No goodbyes. Just never woke up.

I know she didn't want to go. Hey, she was just getting started. I know she never dreamed she would leave before her husband. He needs her so much. But I'm so happy that she made a difference. Left her mark, if you will. That she loved and was loved so deeply by so many.

I will miss her and hope that she is smiling at these words while I write this.

be the change

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" - Gandhi

I began writing this blog almost three years ago. Like a child that tires of a favorite toy, I've laid my words down for a bit, only to come back later and that "toy" looks all little shiny and new again.

Much has changed in these past three years, my son graduated from high school and is preparing to go off to college. I put on a few pounds. My daughters have progressed from elementary school to middle school and suffer from the drama all pre-teen girls seem destined to experience. The economy went from bad to incredibly horrible. I love my husband so much more today than three years ago. I began, for the first time in my life, a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Much hasn't changed either. My family still doesn't acknowledge me. We were driven apart for many reasons, but the catalyst that claimed our relationship was racism and my falling in love with a chocolate skinned man. And that rejection and the resulting hurt remains as raw today as it did three years ago.

This blog was initiated to dull that pain. This blog was a selfish gesture to express my feelings, to put a band aid a wound that was then supposed to heal so that I could get on with my life.

It didn't turn out that way.

I applied the band aid by putting words out there in the form of my story. It was at first several posts on this blog, and eventually then moved to a place it could be read on one page. I moved it because as I was posting it here, people kept commenting on it, relaying messages that mattered. Some even said this story made a difference in how they felt about race and particularly interracial relationships. A few said it changed them. Profoundly and forever.

That made me realize this blog wasn't for me. Nor was my story. I felt if I moved it perhaps more people could find it. And they did.

My words and events from my life were meant to make a difference. That took a while to digest. "What about me?"; I whined. Actually some days I still do. Whine that is. But at the end of the day, it's OK.

It's a pretty cool thing to look in the mirror and say that I can "be the change".

hate shows up in mississippi

Once again I am writing about Mississippi and once again it isn't good.

Is there a more troubling state in this country that experiences the effects of racism to the extreme?

This event took place in June in Jackson, Mississippi. James Craig Anderson was standing near his vehicle in the early morning just before dawn when a group of young people who were allegedly out looking to hurt a black person, unfortunately found him, their unsuspecting target.

These teens sole purpose that pre-dawn morning was to hunt down a human being and hurt an innocent person. And that's exactly what they did. This group of kids who should have been safely at home found an unsuspecting victim and beat him repeatedly and relentlessly in a hotel parking lot.

But the worst yet to come. After the beating, most of these kids left driving over to a McDonalds, perhaps to celebrate. One boy and two girls remained and apparently observed Mr. Anderson stumbling broken and bleeding in the road, attempting to find help. That's when the driver, the boy, took careful aim, punched the accelerator and ran over James Craig Anderson ending his life. Then the boy drove on to McDonalds and bragged to his friends saying; "I ran that nigger over."

There is some justice to this story. You see the whole ugly murder was caught in it's entirety on the hotel's video surveillance camera, and there were also witnesses.

Yes indeed we have come a long way in bridging the racism gap, haven't we?

Here is a video that tells the story in more detail as well as contains the hotel camera's footage. It is graphic so be warned.

just don't bring one home

There's a book I've been meaning to read for some time called: "Just Don't Marry One: Interracial Dating, Marriage, and Parenting" I wish I could give you a stellar review and encourage you to read it, but until I read it myself I can't do that.

I'm posting the link here because the nasty little term "just don't marry one" keeps popping into my mind. Also the term "just don't bring one home" keeps dancing around in there too. It makes me ponder the hypocrisy of the meaning behind those words. You know, go ahead have some fun, get it out of your system, but God forbid you make a commitment in an interracial relationship.

Now this book isn't endorsing the hypocrisy perspective of interracial relationship, in fact from the reviews I've read it's the opposite. It actually takes a Christian perspective on embracing diversity in relationships. I really must read it.

But the point I'm slowly working my way up to making here is this. If you are a parent or even someone who plans on becoming a parent one day, do you openly endorse interracial relationships? If you are this person can you honestly look into your heart and apply your position on interracial relationships to your children or future children? Can you truly look into your heart and know you would embrace a future son or daughter in law who is of another race?

Or do you secretly harbor that little nervous pit in your stomach, that niggling little thought scurrying around furtively in your mind that you hope it's not you who will be confronted with this situation.

Because it can happen. To you.

Deal with your little secret. Heal your heart now so you don't put conditions on your children later that puts life changing baggage into motion where your pride might never allow you to right the wrong you create.

Hey maybe you are even one of those people who openly states your hate and disdain for interracial "mixing". You've even piped your racial views into your children's minds for years so they grow up to be just like you.

Or so you thought.

Guess what? It can happen to you too. Are you prepared to lose your family to your ugly fear?

It can happen. It happened to me.

sharing the best with second best

Imagine this. You are 18, graduating from high school after working your tail off taking AP and honors classes. You have consistently pulled down excellent grades for four years, focused on academics probably when a large number of your fellow classmates were Face Booking, Twittering and just plain loafing around doing nothing.

But now it's the 11th hour, you're approaching that big graduation day and you are standing tall because after all the blood, sweat and tears you've invested for four years you are finally going to see the result. You have earned the highest GPA in the entire school and that warrants the coveted valedictorian title that gives you the recognition you deserve.

Sound good?

It should, except it appears one young lady who attended McGehee Secondary School near Little Rock, AK didn't get the recognition she deserved.

You see Kymberly Wimberly did earn the highest GPA in her school which should have entitled her to be sole valedictorian for her school. This changed, however, according to the lawsuit she has recently filed when there were those who began grumbling that her earning the honor of valedictorian might cause a "big mess".

You know with her being black and all.

So according to the lawsuit, McGehee Secondary School did what any school would do in this situation to avoid a "big mess". They appointed the next highest GPA earner as co-valedictorian.

You know since that student is white and that would balance things out and make it "fair".

I am thrilled to see that she and her mother are taking a stand on this. Not only because it's the right thing to do, but also for the exposure so those who say that racism is in the past can see that often that's not the case.

It's stories like this that make me wonder how far we have truly come after all.

source: Huffington Post

a breath of fresh air

Drawing attention and awareness to racism often means showing something in a negative light. A current event in the news, an organization that fights racial issues or historical events that result from a negative situation. While bringing each into the open can seem negative, the desired result is to provide a positive and healthy outcome.

A necessary evil if you will.

Well, I've had the pleasure of discovering a blog that shines a different light on all things racial:

Good Race Vibes

Linda Thomas, the author of Good Race Vibes uses the positive dynamics of the Law of Attraction to combat racism in a manner we've previously not experienced.

For myself, speaking as someone who is struggling to take my ugly past and create a positive result from it, Good Race Vibes seems to be an element that can help me on my path.

I hope you pay this jewel of a blog a visit and pick up some good race vibes for yourself.