If this is your first visit to Shades of Black and White, this post will mean more if you read the first few entries. If you are pressed for time, go to November 3rd, "This Man I Love" for a condensed version of this blog's full story. Thank you for reading...........
Dear Mom & Dad:
I hope when you read this you are both well and happy. I know it's been a while and for that I am truly sorry. Not sorry, as in I'm apologizing, but sorry that life's circumstances have led us to create such a gap in our lives.
I am well. Healthy and oh so very happy. I am living my life with purpose and feel myself grow spiritually each day. There is a peacefulness that surrounds me. I cherish it, nurture it, watch and feel it grow. I hope and pray that makes you happy for me.
You would not believe how much your grandson has grown these past few years, not only physically, but into a beautiful young man. I pray each day the path's and crossroad's he chooses are the right ones, but will support him in all his choices.
I focus each day on feeling forgiveness for the hurt that results from being cast aside. Each day I think I come a little closer, but I know in order to truly feel forgiveness, I should no longer feel the hurt. Guess I'm not quite there yet.
What I do want you to know is that part of the growth I've experienced these past many months has made me realize how deep rooted racism is. The tentacles of hate reach deep inside and for some the means to release this hold just doesn't seem possible.
I've discovered we really haven't come that far and the big question I pose is why. Why is it possible for someone like me, even as a young child, to realize the depth of this wrong without the guidance of another human being, while others live their whole lives mired in lies and hate.
Was I given a gift, a power that allowed me to realize the truth when others can't? I've been told that God was with me as a child and allowed me to know the truth that many refuse to see. As I move closer to Him each day, I understand this more and more. I hope one day you allow yourselves to know Him too.
I am told that all parents want is for their children to be happy in this life. I hope somewhere in your hearts you feel that for me. Please know I have truly been blessed with happiness and need not look further for it.
Please also understand that I will work every day to feel total forgiveness in my heart. I hope one day you too can forgive and feel unconditional love.
Love, Your Daughter
Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
9 hours ago
5 comments:
Shirl--You have expressed yourself beautifully. It is so sad that there has to be so much pain over something that should not even exist. Even with all of that it is still just as you said, you have been blessed. Some never find what you have. I'm told that when you can forgive those who harm you that they lose their power to hurt you further. I wouldn't know because I never managed to forgive. I hope it is true, and I wish that for you.
Forgiveness is simply willingness to let go of yearning for revenge and allowing God to work in your heart towards healing.
I believe you have reached this point. On days when you struggle, just say God's Name in silent prayer. He will hear you. He will heal your heart and surround you.
In the meantime, you know you've forgiven your parents because you yourself have said that if they showed up on your doorstep and asked for it, you would be overjoyed. This is the hallmark of a pure and willing heart.
God bless you. I know it's hard, especially with Christmas so close. Just know that God sees your heart, your longing, your pain, your remorse ... and He blesses you and loves, loves, loves you. Where your earthly parents fall short, rely on Him for what you need, and He will be all you need.
Blessings. Blessings.
Bravo Shirl bravo!
To be able to write such an eloquant hoonest and open letter to your parents without pointing fingers and blaming tells me that you are closer to your goal of forgivness than you think. I applaud you for the grace and beauty of your letter. You have reached the point where it does not matter what the response might be you have found peace within yourself and because of that nothing can bring you futher pain.
Many blessings
Carol
It is a beautifully expressed letter. But why did you make it an open letter that everyone could see.
It is a very subtle veering of direction; in no way is your letter anything less than true, honest and heartfelt.
Maybe the answer is a key
xhenry
Soul Merlin: Thank you for your thought provoking comment. To answer your question about why I made this letter for everyone to see, I had to write the letter to say what I needed to say.
Unfortunately, the courage to actually send it eluded me because of my fear of once again being rejected. I am not quite ready to experience that door slamming in my face. So rather that experience that conditional love, I chose to send the letter this way.
Thank you for asking this question.
Shirl
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