teach your children well

I had a discussion recently about when and how to talk to your kids regarding racial issues.

This person, a parent, believes no discussion should take place unless a situation presents itself. In other words discuss what happens after the fact, after the damage is done. The argument I pose is what if your child is put into a situation and isn't prepared to handle it. Now your child is coming to you hurt and confused. Of course that's assuming he or she is comfortable telling you about it. Perhaps since you chose to ignore it, your child decides that is the right thing to do instead of bringing to you. Since there has been no racial dialog, your child might decide he or she is ashamed and keeps quiet, wondering and questioning in the midst of their pain.

I think the issue of race is swept under the rug and sanitized in far too many situations. Communicating the ways of the world to kids is one of them. We live in a racist world, particularly in this country. It's been here for a long time and unfortunately isn't going away anytime soon. Especially if we keep ignoring it.

If you ignore this, it will not go away. You have just postponed a very important conversation that could have been conducted in a productive low key style. Your child would be prepared to handle themselves and will be comfortable bringing this home to share with you.

Instead you keep them in the dark and one day a situation rears it's ugly head. For instance, your child comes home and tells you he or she was called racial name by another child or a child refuses to engage in an activity with your child because of their skin color or ethnicity.

How do you fix that after the fact? You are now officially operating in damage control.

On the flip side, let's talk about the child throwing racial slurs around. Most likely this child acquired their social skills at home......from hearing too much ugliness from Mom and Dad or perhaps older siblings.
That's where I learned it.

Words like porch monkey, jungle bunny, spic, wetback, stupid Polack, Jap and even the "n" word were included in every day vocabulary at my house. He thought he was funny when he said them in front of us. A harmless joke. No damage done. Innocent enough, right?

I thank God on a regular basis my families "values" weren't instilled in me.

I am certain, however, plenty of children out there learn similar values at home. And like all children, they can't wait to share everything they know to show off to other kids, including hate and ugliness. Factor in a little good old fashioned bullying and we have a very ugly environment our children are participating in. Now add a teacher into the mix who is more comfortable with her head in the sand and there you go.

So which is better? Should we keep our children as innocent as possible and protect them from what's out there, but still send them out there every day? After all it is our job to protect them from harm and by not introducing the ugly world to their innocent minds, are we not protecting them? Perhaps for the moment, but not really.

For those of you who are thinking to yourselves, your child isn't a minority and so this doesn't concern you, please remember this; it won't happen directly to your child, but they will surely observe it and learn something from it. Not only do they learn from you at home, but they acquire knowledge at school that extends well past the pages of books. Maybe they too will come home and talk to you about it, and just maybe they won't.