When recently reading a post on another blog about a biracial child's introduction to racism at the hand of another child, it brought to mind, again, a situation I recently experienced.
My oldest daughter came home from school in a panic because her sister was not on the bus with her. Her panic became my panic. We jumped in the car and were driving to school when I received a phone call from the principal. She indicated my youngest was involved in a "situation". Once she confirmed she was not hurt, I started a slow burn, knowing this must surely be racial in nature. This thought became a certainty when Mrs. Principal revealed she and another girl had an altercation and she would fill me in with all the details when I arrived. In the short drive to the school I drew a foregone conclusion she had been a victim of racism.
Even though I kept my thoughts to myself, I still felt something close to shame when Mrs. Principal informed me the altercation was physical, a result of a silly dispute, and my daughter was at fault. My shame wasn't a result of my daughter striking someone... more on that later. No, my shame was because I immediately jumped on racism without knowing any facts. Lined this situation up in my sights, took aim and pulled the trigger before I knew what I was shooting at.
Have I become so exposed to first hand, second hand and left handed racism that I immediately embrace the thought of racism without receiving the facts first? I jumped to a conclusion with no factual reason to do so.
I spent some time thinking about this and have come up empty as to why I reacted. I hate drama, blowing something out of proportion and not to beat this to death, jumping to conclusions. Why did I jump on this so fast?
Has writing this blog caused me to become jaded to the point I look for racism?
I surely hope not. That would indicate far too many negative factors have crept into my life...and that I am content to leave it that way. Looking for it says maybe I don't want to move beyond racial issues, and I have wrapped myself in the belief "there will always be racism" so let's slap the racism label on as many situations as I can find. This would now make me part of the problem that prevents us from moving on. Perhaps I'm just seeking out the next post...
In my heart I know I have not become this person, but sometimes we have to be hard on our selves and explore where our thoughts take us, whether we reacted to those thoughts or not. One misplaced comment from me would have resulted in my becoming a little more like the person I described above, not to mention the seed that would have been planted in both my daughter's minds. The next situation would have resulted in my becoming even more like this person, and so on each step easier that the last.
I am thankful I kept my thoughts to myself and didn't include anyone else in my drama. This was best played out within my own mind, the lesson to take the experience, be honest with myself and live my life a little wiser from it. Life situations are never just black and white. Reacting without knowing the whole story can lead to some unnecessary chaos to the point you might be fighting a useless battle that is based on a lie created within your own mind.
9 hours ago
5 comments:
Hi Shirl,
I read your post and (although I'm not a mother) I know it's tough being a parent.
As a parent (speaking in the reflective past tense), I had so many varied thoughts that would stream through my mind; some had no validity at all.
I came to realize that some thoughts are just random thoughts; they do not define me. I believe a person is defined by:
1. What they believe
2. What they say
3. What they do
The fact that you question what thoughts crossed your consciousness says those thoughts don't define you.
I get what you're saying, "If I'm looking for the worst possible scenario, will it be there if I lift this rock?" Assuming something is there is what causes me to lift that rock up. Do I want it to be there? No
Men, women, parents all deal with and handle fear at some level; it's human. We face those fears as best we can.
Thanks for sharing an honest heart-felt post.
underOvr
The fact that you waited and let the thoughts play out in your mind until you had all the facts proves what kind of person you are. Given the same circumstances I believe I would have 'jumped' to the same conclusion you did.
The comments by the other two posters are right on the money -- do NOT beat yourself up for this.
I have a confession ... I used to feel very defensive when African Americans jumped to the racial reason for things going wrong in life.
But today one of my dearest friends is African American, and that relationship all by itself has opened up my eyes in so many ways to how racism does affect one's perspective -- and it's all legitimate.
I used to judge people for jumping to conclusions. But this judgment was totally unfair of me! I never had personally been involved in their struggles. How could I possibly know?
I didn't really "get it" until a few years ago. I'm just sorry it took me so long.
It's also the mother in you -- and that's not your fault, either! You're awesome, and you're a great mom to these precious little girls. Of course a mom is always going to jump to the conclusion that her child has been victimized! I do it all the time, and my little monster looks like a blond-haired-blue-eyed cherub.
More than half the time, he is the culprit.
Hope this helps.
Keep up this blog! I love seeing these posts from you.
Hi Shirl,
When you have a knee jerk reaction, it is usually because some emotion is still living inside you. Cellular memory is not something to beat yourself up about. When something external causes ugliness to show itself within me, I see the opportunity as a blessing. Now that those dark emotions have surfaced, I can release them. When I release negative emotion, I make room within me, for new vibrational frequencies. At that point, I use my happiest memories to cause Joy! I focus on my heart, and start "breathing" that joy and happiness "through" my heart. (Its called Heart Math) Now I have intentionally replaced icky feelings with awe inspiring joy. So the situation that seemed a curse has become a blessing.
You deserve considerable credit, since the above scenario is only possible if you listen before speaking in all situations. Good for you!
Strange, the post I am working on today is about this very subject. We really are all connected, huh? I love to be reminded of that.
Many blessings,
Carrie
All parents of whatever race want to protect their children. In the case of a parent who moves in society in non-white skin, they have a lifelong knowledge of the ignorance that sees their skin as an excuse to ignore their humanity. While an adult of color may not always confront this ignorance (sometimes it takes too much energy), there's usually zero tolerance for accepting this ignorance towards their child. A parent who's child is of color should always be prepared for the worse. That doesn't mean that they go in guns blazing, but they should be prepared to blaze the guns for their child. Of course you listen & determine the nature of the situation, but every child--no matter what their race--should feel cherished by their parent.
I may be concerned about how combative I'm perceived if I choose to defend myself against racial ignorance. I could care effing less what anyone thinks if I need to protect my child. I'm sure that's true of any race of parent.
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