My husband, a black man, talks white.
And gets a lot of grief for it.
From black people....and white people.
His white talkin' got him held for hours in Mississippi, originally for driving while black by a DOT Scale House employee. Then once the DOT employee engaged in conversation with him, the fact he didn't "talk right" became the ammunition for an afternoon of harassment.
He constantly hears comments about his voice. So much that he has taken to ignoring the statements and not answering the questions.
- You sound "different".
- You don't sound like you're from around here.
- Why do you talk like that?
- You talk white.
- Where did you learn to talk like that?
- Who are you trying to impress?
No matter who is uttering these words, they all revolve around the fact that this black man sounds different. Different from what? From others who share his skin color?
What is this difference? Is it that one speaks "standardized" English (whatever that is) or as some would say, proper English? Or is it more of a vocal intonation? Or both?
But the big question is why? Why does this draw so much attention to individuals who sound a certain way?
First Lady Michelle Obama has drawn some attention recently because of some statements she made while visiting a school. Seems she made mention of the fact that she was criticized while growing up in Chicago for "sounding white". This has drawn some further criticism from the likes of Tammy Bruce.
President Obama was accused of "talking white" by Ralph Nader during the Presidential primaries. If you Google "talking white" you will pull up endless pages of articles and blogs where people talk about "talking white".
So once again I ask why? Why is this such an issue to a disturbing number of both white and black people?
I think I understand. It seems to be a common denominator in virtually all things racial. The one thread that ties it all together. It's been the subject of countless conversations I've had with my husband. It was mentioned in a comment by someone in a recent post.
It's an evil, contagious four letter word that seems to motivate us to behave badly. We all experience it at various times. We all seem to deal with it differently and we all vary on how much control we allow it to have over our lives, and for that matter what areas of our lives we allow it into. Have you guessed it yet?
It's F.E.A.R.
11 comments:
I can't write my reaction to what Tammy Bruce said. I had to read her comment twice because I couldn't believe what I was reading. I don't ever listen to any of those radio talk shows and have never heard of her.
You know, I think I'm just going to leave it here because I can't say anything rational at this point.
Great post. I like what i have seen so far and intend to put a link up. Thanks for stopping by my blog because I am really glad that i found you.
An American friend of mine, recently landed in Australia for some study.
I found his comments on race quite amazing, but I guess that's because I don't understand the depth of ignorance and utter stupidity that still exists in some parts of America.
He said that it was amazing to see "inter-racial" couples on TV, and so many of them. That's not even a word we use to describe couples who are clearly from different backgrounds.
More frequently, people here will ask - what's your family's background? Australia is such a melting pot, and thankfully, I think, we got over it long ago.
Same with people of various nationalities not "speaking right". I mean, its so typical here to see Asian, African, Indian and whatever other culture folks speaking with the straightest Australian accent.
Perhaps their parents were first generation immigrants, but they were born here and... there's no reason to suggest there's anything suspicious about that!!
Seems to me its just racism by another name. And yeah, fear is always a part of that...
Hi Shirl. I know exactly what your husband is going through because I have been accused of the exact same thing on various occasions during my adult life. I have seen the shock/horror on the faces of people, both black and white who meet me face to face after speaking to me on the phone.
I have an opinion as to why people react this way to well spoked black people and I hope you do not mind me sharing it with you.
Black People
I believe a well spoken black person is chastised by other black people because they have yet to shed the "slave mentality." They are still living with the FEAR of what the "massa" will do if he finds out we can speak standard English.
Also I believe that the conditioning that was instilled from slavery times is ever present in some people even now. The lack of faith and belief in ourselves as a race is still evident. Some black people have so bought into the idea of us being inferior that when they enounter a well spoken or educated black person they see that person as "uppity" or "getting beyond their station in life."
White People
Two words; racism and fear. Some white people are still of the opinion that black people must speak and behave in a certain way. This belief was handed down to them from their fore-fathers and even today acknowledged and reinforced by some black people. So the steriotype is alive and well. The idea of us being educated, well manner and well spoked is still a relatively new idea to some white people and the thought of that scares them out of their minds.
I still find it shocking when a black person who gets in my car asks me why I am listening to "that white people music." It is almost as though there is an unwritten agreement that black people will, look a certain way, speak a certain way, dress a certain way, eat certain food, listen to only "black music" and socialize with only black people and the white folks do the same.
I will stop now because I could ramble on all day about this.
Like you said Shirl it is all about fear. Fear of change.
Wonderful post Shirl.
Hi Shirl,
As an African American, I cannot express how disheartening it is when others in the community query "Are you trying to be White?"
It's such a peripheral subject that doesn't even deserve discussion. Yet, it has preeminent status for many African Americans.
We need to stop focusing on how someone talks or looks and instead concern ourselves with "How am I living my life? Am I maximizing my potential?"
U
@Tricia - she's a piece of work, isn't she?
@catherine - welcome and thank you, I look forward to seeing more of you as well as reading more of your blog.
@Svasti - it's all about fear no matter the country.
@Carol - thank you for your insightful comments. You said some things I've been debating on putting out there. Good to see you back here.
@U - So well said, I can only add: Amen!
Hey - thought you might be interested in the following article that discusses a very interesting school experiment:
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-blueeyes26-2009mar26,0,4792181.story
Someone I worked with, who considered her self black(like her mom, & she looked just like her mom also) but whose father was white, got this from BOTH sides all the time. It drove her insane. Black friends accused her of talking white, and white friends told her she was trying to act too black. She wasn't ACTING anything, she was just BEING, like they were allowed to be......
I stopped by because U put up a link to you. ~Mary
@FrankandMary - Thanks for visiting and welcome! I know how your co-worker feels, my daughters are beginning to encounter this already.
Ugh, I so whole-heartedly agree with Tricia! This just turns your stomach completely in ways that it was not meant to be flipped around.
I have a family member who once explained to me the differences between "black" and "white" ways of talking. This was when I was 13. Ever since then, when I'm on the phone with someone, my brain just kicks in automatically and registers, "white," "black."
I hate this. I hate that someone put it into my mind to begin with, when I was young and at a time in my life when opinions were being formed. For years it affected my own way of perceiving people as lesser or more. Horrible, horrible.
It took me years to recognize that the air of superiority had registered in my own heart, based on the teaching of that family member. Yes, they were at fault for teaching me the concept, but I was at fault for continuing with the perception after I had become fully adult. I repent for it, but it still leaves an awful stain in my heart and mind.
Thanks so much for posting this, Shirl! I can see from all the comments it really struck a chord. I hope you haven't received anonymous hateful comments (not posted) ... I know that as a blogger I also get hateful comments that I don't always post. Hopefully this has engendered more of the positive feedback I see here!
Good work and keep it up!
Love ya, girlie,
Heidi
@Heidi - To this day I still hear the comments my father made when I was a child that were meant to establish a form of "superiority".
No hate mail yet on this one. Funny you should mention hate mail, I bring it up in my next post.....
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