Monday, August 15, 2011

be the change

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" - Gandhi

I began writing this blog almost three years ago. Like a child that tires of a favorite toy, I've laid my words down for a bit, only to come back later and that "toy" looks all little shiny and new again.

Much has changed in these past three years, my son graduated from high school and is preparing to go off to college. I put on a few pounds. My daughters have progressed from elementary school to middle school and suffer from the drama all pre-teen girls seem destined to experience. The economy went from bad to incredibly horrible. I love my husband so much more today than three years ago. I began, for the first time in my life, a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Much hasn't changed either. My family still doesn't acknowledge me. We were driven apart for many reasons, but the catalyst that claimed our relationship was racism and my falling in love with a chocolate skinned man. And that rejection and the resulting hurt remains as raw today as it did three years ago.

This blog was initiated to dull that pain. This blog was a selfish gesture to express my feelings, to put a band aid a wound that was then supposed to heal so that I could get on with my life.

It didn't turn out that way.

I applied the band aid by putting words out there in the form of my story. It was at first several posts on this blog, and eventually then moved to a place it could be read on one page. I moved it because as I was posting it here, people kept commenting on it, relaying messages that mattered. Some even said this story made a difference in how they felt about race and particularly interracial relationships. A few said it changed them. Profoundly and forever.

That made me realize this blog wasn't for me. Nor was my story. I felt if I moved it perhaps more people could find it. And they did.

My words and events from my life were meant to make a difference. That took a while to digest. "What about me?"; I whined. Actually some days I still do. Whine that is. But at the end of the day, it's OK.

It's a pretty cool thing to look in the mirror and say that I can "be the change".

1 comment:

Scriptor Senex said...

Such profound words from Gandhi and there are few things more satisfying than to realise one has changed someone else for the better. It takes courage to marry inter-racially - as you and I have done - no matter how much one loves the other person, but the very act can alter other people's perceptions for the better. I was fortunate that my family and my wife's both accepted our partnership. The real sufferer has been my son who is picked on for his mixed race origins. So sad.